spring

march daffodil

Spring is here!

We’re already into the second week of May.

First the daffodils, then the forsythia. Blooming with the unexpected brightness of yellow. Shyly, boldly, transforming the barren landscape of winter. As the season changed this year, I waited and watched the unfolding, marking each fresh discovery in my mind. Early leaf buds giving bare branches a gold-green haze. The fragrant purple hyacinths. Tulips of dazzling color holding back, tightly enclosed, coyly hinting at the color within at their thick green tips. Then the flowering trees. Lush clusters of pink. Soft petals of white flowers trembling, falling at the touch of wind, dancing in the air like snow flakes.

And then I blinked and it seemed everything was blooming all at once. The trees were nearly full with dark green leaves. Wish flowers and dandelions dominated the tall growing grasses at the side of the road. And I was reminded of the quote by Rainer Maria Rilke – “Everything is blooming most recklessly; if it were voices instead of colors, there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night.”

Spring is here.

I’ve been feeling too much in my head.

In just another few weeks, the school year will end at the place I’ve been working since October. It’s been a difficult year both financially and emotionally, with many changes and adjustments and transitions, and I kind of wish that things could just level out and maintain a stable place for awhile. Sometimes I feel that it always seems to be this way, and it makes it even more difficult to remain positive about the future. I think, something has to break. Then something stubborn presses at me. A dull rage of optimism swells at the point in which I thought I had no more reserve. I think, something has to break. I think, not me. I think of Beckett, “Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”

The world in spring is reborn.

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